Cop. Cat. Crossbow. Some assembly … turned out to be a bad idea.

Bobby the catWe’ve covered cop uses of force that went bad before, and we’ve covered cats that were shot by self-propelled sphincters in humanoid form before. But we never thought that these two perennial Lord Love a Duck storylines would ever merge. Obviously we underestimated the pathologies of the age.

We’re sure that Police Chief Jim Kohler of little Boerne, Texas, would rather see his department in the news for some more noble reason. Unfortunately, that’s not what the Fates had cued up for him this week:

Police in Boerne say Officer Lance Deleon was not on duty when the cat named Bobby was wounded. Police Chief Jim Kohler says the cat was shot using a crossbow.

Officials with South Texas Veterinary Specialists say the 2-year-old male cat has been treated for a punctured lung and broken front right leg. Vets say Bobby is expected to recover after being shot Tuesday.

via Texas officer on leave after shooting neighbor’s cat with arrow | Fox News.

Another news story at KSBY has a few more details:

“I didn’t think we’d see him alive,” said Natalie Brunner, whose eyes welled up with tears.

Brunner and her husband and children showered the cat with hugs and kisses. She was outside Tuesday evening and came to Bobby’s rescue.

“I heard this swoosh noise, like a swish, and I heard clawing at the back of our fence,” Brunner explained. “I didn’t see Bobby crest the fence. I saw an arrow and then it quickly disappeared.”

Alarmed, she ran for the fence and jumped up to see what had happened.

“Our neighbor was on top of him and he had an arrow sticking out,” she said. “All he said was there was no collar on him and he was in my plants. That was all. We’ve never met the man before.”

Bobby the cat is probably going to need further surgery. If he were a dog he probably wouldn’t go back in Officer DeLeon’s yard, but our experience of cats is that their walnut-sized brains can’t process this, and if it weren’t for Crazy Cat Ladies the species would have died, of more curiosity than sense, long, long ago. But basically, the cat’s going to be OK. The cop, not so much. The Brunners told reporters that they still support their local police, and don’t think the actions of this one knucklehead reflect on cops in general. That’s got to make Chief Kohler breathe a sigh of relief.

The following sermon is probably wasted on the sort of person who defends his aspidistras from the neighbor’s tabby with his trusty Barnett, but we’ll try anyway. If you don’t like cats, don’t get a cat. Likewise, if you’re in Texas and want to try out a new crossbow, we hear they’re having a problem with wild pigs. Both are four-legged animals that some people don’t like, but only one is likely to (1) taste good and (2) earn you the thanks of farmers. (Plus, eating pork inoculates you against Islam, an infection that Churchill Himself compared to rabies. You can’t say that about chowing down on felix catus. In fact, it’s probably haram).

Now, the unfortunate fact that Lance DeLeon, the neighbor who shot the cat, happens to be a cop is not a reflection on cops in general, something Mrs Brunner clearly grasps. Cops are selected from among the fallen human race and they have their pro rata percentage of, fill in the blank, let’s just say people you’d rather not have as neighbors. But one thing, a cop of all people should know how to handle an animal complaint. Do you even get through a shift in a rural PD without referring some citizen to the animal control line?

4 thoughts on “Cop. Cat. Crossbow. Some assembly … turned out to be a bad idea.

  1. Andyn

    Years ago I worked for a small town newspaper in southeast Pennsylvania. One of our reporters covered a story that got to the bottom of a slew of missing pet cases. It turned out that members of the local police department had an air rifle that was shared among the officers working the night shift. They’d take it out on patrol with them and kept score of who could take out the most free range cats.

    Leash laws do apply to cats as well as dogs, and if you don’t want your cat to fall victim to either accident or predation, you’d best keep it indoors. That said, not only are there more appropriate ways for the police to deal with unrestrained pets, but if your police officers have nothing better to do with their time, your department is probably overstaffed.

  2. Aesop

    That’s just retarded.
    First, for anything less than an agitated pit bull, there’s no call for using crossbows. Save that nonsense for zombies and such.
    Second, an ordinary Daisy Red Ryder serves to keep cats from using your garden as their litter box, with neither Tabby nor the neighbors sensibilties, not to mention your job prospects, any the worse for wear. A painful burning in the hindquarters with no broken skin does a remarkable amount of teaching, as any chastised 6-year old might affirm.
    And lastly, besides transferring Deputy Dumbsh*t to the unemployment roles ASAP, and fining him legal expenses and the total cost of the animal’s medical expenses at treble rate for suitable damages, I would suggest that nothing less than 180 days cleaning up the cat crap at the local shelter, ideally with only a small plastic spoon, would serve as an admirable form of punishment fitting the crime.

  3. Darkwater

    That’s too bad. I like cats & don’t like rodents — good combination, particularly when I live in the country.

    I’m a native Texan & remember Boerne (pronounced ‘burney’) as a nice little town, but every place has it’s village idiot. I like cops too (I’m a peace officer), but you have to wonder at the selection process for some of these departments.

    1. Hognose Post author

      Very different case from, say, the LAPD cop who went rogue, the Framingham MA cop who, following their idjit finger-on-trigger procedure shot a citizen (not a suspect) in the head, or even the Long Island cop who fired eight shots without a miss on the hostage taker, except the one that gave the hostage a closed casket funeral. Those three would be a good law exam on mis- and mal- feasance, and human error that may not rise to that level (but is gonna get litigated, anyway). (By the way, the guy in LI is not being helped by his pinkie-ring union president’s “bitch had it coming” attitude to the slain hostage. The gal was a victim of a home invasion FFS).

      This guy, though, his copness is incidental to his misconduct. It’s in the news stories, it’s a fact, but unless he thought having a badge would let him skate on spearing Bobby the Cat, it’s not really a material fact. Except, like I said… is there any cop anywhere who doesn’t know how to handle an animal complaint? Maybe in Texas the 3S’s are a preferred method.

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