Vote for Bob—the SexCandidate!
Bob Says:
I went on a listening tour. Everywhere I went, all across America, men and women of
every race, color, creed, and sexual orientation came up to me and said: "Gee, Bob. Sure,
I'm worried about whether that Osama Bin Laden is going to blow my house apart. I'm
worried about those well-made foreign products coming into this country and competing
with the shoddy American-produced ones that were good enough for our forefathers. And I
confess sometimes I can't get to sleep at night, thinking about those educational test
scores in Texas. But if the truth be told, Bob, what really worries me is sex. I haven't
been laid in ages. If only the government would help me get more sex."
Well, these voter's pleas practically tore my heart out! So I did my own private poll,
using special telco-installed FBI wiretaps, and discovered that getting more sex was on the
minds of most Americans over the age of 11 or 12! So I said to myself: "I'm going to do it.
I'm going to do it for America. I'm going to do it for my country. I'm going to do it for
Jesus."
Bush, a Reformer With Results, is nothing compared to Bob, a Reformer With Orgasms. Gore's
entire health plan pales in comparison with even one government-run orgasmic-health-clinic-and-house-of-joy
provided for in my plan. Bush and Gore promise you Free Government Stuff in return for your vote.
But only Bob promises you Free Government Sex! Vote for me! I, Bob, am the one!
|