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  Last Updated: 04/01/2004


The EFF Acquires the US Department of Justice
April 1, 2004

The Electronic Frontier Foundation (EFF) is merging with the United States Department of Justice (DOJ) in a stock-swap deal that will create a freedom advocacy giant better able to compete with the ACLU, the current industry leader.

Shari Steele, Executive Director & President of the EFF, will retain her position in the new expanded organization. John Ashcroft, the DOJ's Attorney General, will take up a new position in the EFF's Department of Office Supply Security.

"At a particularly challenging time for the Defense of Freedoms industry, this combination vaults us into a leadership role with customers and partners," said Steele.

"Yes," said Ashcroft, "it's true. I will be in charge of staples. And tape. Especially duct tape."

[Full Statement]

Jack Valenti to Join EFF Board
April 1, 2004

The Electronic Frontier Foundation (EFF) today announced that Jack Valenti, recently retired head of the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA), will be joining EFF's Board of Directors.

Valenti issued the following statement explaining his decision to join EFF: "I've spent the gargantuan proportion of my career fighting for the First Amendment, albeit only on behalf of one fine industry. But now that I'm retired, I've decided that it's a good time to expand my horizons so that regular Americans can enjoy a bit of the First Amendment, too. Besides, my friend Professor Lessig tells me that this Internet thing is here to stay."

When asked about his fiery sermons against the VCR and peer-to-peer file sharing, Valenti had only this to say, "Michael Eisner made me do it."

[Full Statement]

DOJ Terrorist Attack Information
Get more information on how to detect suspicious people.
They're probably people you know. In fact, I bet one's sitting next to you right now. See?
That's the kind of person you need to watch out for. Right there. The shifty-looking type. Do you know whose bag that is? That doesn't look like groceries.
Quick! Report their activity! Then, get under the desk.

April Fool!
Department of Homeland Security 
Only a moderate number of people bought it even for a second. In order to increase the number of citizens who would fall for this sort of thing, we'd probably have to at least pick a different date.

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