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HumorDNC Tax RefundsSubmitted by Bill St. Clair on Mon, 2008-04-14 16:21.
(From tmm) If you don't understand the Democrats' version of tax refunds, maybe this will help explain it: 50,000 people went to a baseball game, but the game was rained out. A refund was then due. The team was about to mail refunds when a group of Congressional Democrats stopped them and suggested that they send out the ticket refunds based on the Democrat National Committee's interpretation of fairness. Originally the refunds were to be paid based on the price each person had paid for the tickets. Unfortunately that meant most of the refund money would be going to the ticket holders that had purchased the most expensive tickets. This, according to the DNC, is considered totally unfair. A decision was then made to pay out the refunds in this manner: People in the $10 seats will get back $15. After all, they have less money to spend on tickets to begin with. Call it an "Earned Income Ticket Credit." Persons "earn" it by having few skills, poor work habits, and low ambition, thus keeping them at entry-level wages. People in the $25 seats will get back $25, because it "seems fair." People in the $50 seats will get back $1, because they already make a lot of money and don't need a refund. After all, if they can afford a $50 ticket, they must not be paying enough taxes. People in the $75 luxury box seats will each have to pay an additional $25 because it's the "right thing to do". People walking past the stadium that couldn't afford to buy a ticket for the game each will get a $10 refund, even though they didn't pay anything for the tickets. They need the most help. Sometimes this is known as Affirmative Action. Now do you understand? If not, contact Representative Nancy Pelosi, Senator Ted Kennedy or Senator Hillary Clinton for assistance. 2 comments | quote | 164 reads
( categories: Humor )
Bush Resigns!Submitted by Bill St. Clair on Tue, 2008-04-01 05:06.
add new comment | quote | 150 reads
( categories: Humor )
The Global Warming CreedSubmitted by Bill St. Clair on Sun, 2008-03-09 19:44.
Chris Claypoole at The Libertarian Enterprise - Hilarious. Reprinted below in its entirety. [tle] I believe in Gore, the Prophet All-Knowing, the Creator of the Internet, and in Global Warming, his brain-child:
Which was conceived from Global Cooling, born of his lust for power, after he suffered a stolen election and was considered dead politically. He descended into Obesity. The third year He rose again from the obscure, He ascended into media prominence, and sits at the right hand of Bono the Annoying, from whence he shall come to sell carbon credits to the suckers with guilty consciences. I believe in the Mother Gaia, the holy Ecological Church, the communion of Hollywood stars, the forgiveness of consumerism, the recycling of all things, and life so miserable it seems everlasting. Amen. Diebold Accidentally Leaks Results Of 2008 Election EarlySubmitted by Bill St. Clair on Thu, 2008-02-28 17:21.
The Onion does it again, with satire so close to reality it's hard to tell. Diebold Accidentally Leaks Results Of 2008 Election Early add new comment | quote | 205 reads
( categories: Humor )
New Nolan ChartSubmitted by Bill St. Clair on Sat, 2008-02-23 07:49.
From this nhunderground post, which shows photos of people in tin foil hats:
In case you're not familiar with it, the Nolan Chart is used to show results of The World's Smallest Political Quiz, replacing the conventional liberal/conservative line with a two-dimensional personal/economic freedom chart. I have scored a perfect 10/10 for quite a while now. add new comment | quote | 218 reads
( categories: Humor )
Dog-Proof Trash CanSubmitted by Bill St. Clair on Sun, 2008-01-20 07:40.
We've had the same plastic diaper pail in our bathroom since my son was born 16 years ago. We initially used it for collecting our cloth diapers, which we washed ourself, at home. But since the kids have been out of diapers, we've used it to collect waste in the bathroom. Recently, the dogs have made it a habit to tip over the pail and spread the contents around. So I decided to put a stop to it. I went to the local Wal*Mart, and found the Hometrends 30 liter oval trash bin you see below ($35). Hopefully, it will stop the dogs. At the very least, it looks a lot nicer.
add new comment | quote | 367 reads
( categories: Humor )
New Bush CoinsSubmitted by Bill St. Clair on Mon, 2007-12-31 06:48.
Dean Opperman at blip.tv - hilarious satire announcing the banning of precious metals, to be replaced by Halliburton coins denominated in gallons of oil. Below is the limited edition 100-gallon Hoover-Bush-Harding doubloon: "Financial Security Through Financial Insolvency".
add new comment | quote | 217 reads
( categories: Humor )
George W. Bush Movin' Out CampaignSubmitted by Bill St. Clair on Mon, 2007-12-24 07:24.
mom4education at YouTube - send George Bush a moving box, folded and taped as a large postcard. Instructional video. References Military Families Speak Out, but I see no reference to this idea on their web site. Students for an Orwellian SocietySubmitted by Bill St. Clair on Mon, 2007-12-10 09:17.
Students for an Orwellian Society is incredible satire. "Because 2007 is 23 years too late." add new comment | quote | 195 reads
A Tribute to GoreSubmitted by Bill St. Clair on Sun, 2007-12-02 08:02.
Tim Slagle at YouTube - making fun of Al Gore's sky is falling bunk. add new comment | quote | 226 reads
( categories: Humor )
It Takes Pure EvilSubmitted by Bill St. Clair on Sat, 2007-12-01 07:28.
From here:
For the search engines: Hillary Clinton IT TAKES Hillary delivers her plan for add new comment | quote | 228 reads
( categories: Humor )
Strange emailSubmitted by Bill St. Clair on Sat, 2007-11-24 06:46.
I received this in email today. No idea if it's real, joke, or entrapment. Return-Path: <gkurfo@hotmail.com> ... Received: from [122.157.7.23] by mx2.hotmail.com; Sat, 24 Nov 2007 13:38:27 +0800 Message-ID: <01c82e9f$4af90290$17079d7a@gkurfo> From: "Caitlin Eastman" <stemurphy@juno.com> ... Subject: 1 Date: Sat, 24 Nov 2007 13:38:27 +0800 Black market is online again ! 1. Heroin, in liquid and crystal form. Everyone is welcome, be it in States or any other place worldwide. ATTENTION. Clearance offer. Buy 30 grams of heroin, get 5 free. For security reasons, please email me if you want to get address of our online shop. ( categories: Humor )
Woman Fights King on Sex ToysSubmitted by Bill St. Clair on Sat, 2007-11-17 09:04.
Loretta Nall - Ms. Nall is encouraging people to send sex toys to Alabama Attorney General Troy King, to protest his prosecution of Alabama stores that sell them. She sent him a pig doll. Great idea! Kirsten, at Get Your Hands Dirty! recommends The Pleasure Department. I do hope that Troy likes his pink, inflatable, penetratable pig. I would have sent a regular blow up doll....but I wanted to encourage him to breed only within his species...hence the pig. I've also considered dressing up in a penis costume and attending the next press conference on this issue....however, I am afraid that in such a costume I might be mistaken for Troy King or any of the many dickheads that inhabit Montgomery, AL.
Here's a comic that ran in the southern Alabama Press Register:
Headlamp Replacement Rocket ScienceSubmitted by Bill St. Clair on Mon, 2007-10-29 10:17.
I remember when replacing the headlamp on a car was a five minute job, if that. One of the low beams on my Honda Civic burned out last night. I called an auto parts store today, and they had one, for $8. Great, thought I. Then I looked inside the trunk. The headlamp was held in place by two Phillips head screws, in a small area that was unreachable with a regular screwdriver. So I went to the store, got the new headlamp, and asked if they had a tool that would fit in the space. They found me the 3-piece offset screwdriver set pictured below ($5). I had to take the battery out in order to have room to reach in, but I was able to remove the two screws, and the third screw I hadn't seen before, and replace the headlamp. Car worked fine once I put the battery back, and the new light appears a little brighter than the one on the other side that didn't burn out (yet). I had to find the security code to get the radio to work again, and read the directions for setting the time. Restoring my station presets I knew how to do without the instructions. Whew!
Later: I talked with my mechanic, and told him this story. He demonstrated that all it takes to get the headlamp out is a quarter turn, no screws need to be removed. Duh. ( categories: Humor )
Therapeutic Efficacy of Cash in the Treatment of Anxiety and Depressive Disorders: Two Case StudiesSubmitted by Bill St. Clair on Tue, 2007-10-23 08:11.
Methodius Isaac Bonkers at the Bonkers Institute for Nearly Genuine Research - a researchy-sounding joke showing that large amounts of money can cure depression. Sounds right to me. Might even be cheaper than standard pharmaceutical fare. Hehe. [grabbe] Psychiatric medications relieve symptoms of depression and anxiety by restoring chemical balance within the brain, but exactly how these drugs restore the brain's chemical balance while simultaneously wreaking havoc on every other organ in the body remains a mystery. Equally mysterious is the mechanism by which cash payments provide therapeutic benefit to depressed and anxious patients. The receipt of a large sum of money may somehow stimulate, increase, block, adjust or otherwise act upon the level, supply, transmission, inhibition, secretion or bodily excretion of dopamine, serotonin, norepinephrine, acetylcholine, gamma-aminobutyric acid, dihydrogen monoxide, propylene glycol or some other chemical compound yet to be discovered.
Elation and euphoria are the most common side effects associated with cash. The favorable side effect profile and high response rate compared to placebo are the main advantages of cash over standard pharmaceutical treatment, while the major disadvantage of cash would appear to be its prohibitive cost. However, retrospective analysis supports the hypothesis that over the long haul cash is not only safer but also more cost-effective than any medication currently on the market. add new comment | quote | 276 reads
( categories: Humor )
Bush does U2: Sunday Bloody SundaySubmitted by Bill St. Clair on Mon, 2007-08-27 08:04.
add new comment | quote | 408 reads
( categories: Humor )
Markos Moulitsas vs. Stephen ColbertSubmitted by Bill St. Clair on Sun, 2007-08-19 07:42.
Crooks and Liars has video of the founder of Daily Kos on The Colbert Report, making big-time fun of Bill O'Reilly by taking his "Kos is Hitler" stance to the extreme. Hilarious. The photo below is not what it looks like, except in the eyes of Bill O'Reilly, who loves to take things out of context.
add new comment | quote | 374 reads
( categories: Humor )
We're LateSubmitted by Bill St. Clair on Sat, 2007-08-04 06:10.
From Counting Cats at Samizdata: An Emperor of ancient China decided that the best way of stamping out trouble was to make all punishments draconian.
Two soldiers were making their way back from leave and one asked the other - "What is the punishment for being late?" "Death" replied the second. "What is the punishment for rebellion?" asked the first? "Death" replied the second, again. "Well" said the first, "we're late." Laws which treat the people with contempt result in the state being treated with contempt. add new comment | quote | 389 reads
John Edwards Vows To End All Bad Things By 2011Submitted by Bill St. Clair on Thu, 2007-08-02 08:37.
The Onion - satire. Hehe. [root] According to Edwards, his plan is composed of three steps. Everyday bad things, such as curse words and splinters, would be eradicated during his first six months in office. Next, very bad things, including child abduction, soil erosion, and resurgent diseases such as malaria and tuberculosis, would be ended by the the end of 2009. Finally, extremely bad things—plights such as genocide, species extinction, and virtually every form of cancer—would take a full two years to wipe out.
... "This is certainly a step in the right direction, but it's not enough," Daily Kos contributor BitchingPoints wrote hours after Edwards' announcement. "Where in Mr. Edwards' list of bad things does it mention poisonous snakes, nasty red wine stains on rugs, trolls, and noisy neighbors? Edwards has left the door wide open for a rival candidate to outflank him on his own issue by introducing a comprehensive plan that fills these gaping holes." add new comment | quote | 413 reads
( categories: Humor )
Bush's latest speech on Iraq (Osama bin ladin did it)Submitted by Bill St. Clair on Thu, 2007-07-26 13:10.
Akrasia at politics.ie - forum post takes Bushnev's speech at Charleston Air Force Base on Tuesday afternoon, and blanks out all but the terror words. He used lots of them. Mr. Bush, you are the most dangerous terrorist in the world today. Please do us all a favor, and eat your shotgun. Make sure Cheney's standing behind you at the time. [irc] The President: ----- --- ---. ------ -- ------. ----- ---, -------. ------ --- --- ----------- --- ---- ------------. -'- ----- -- -- ---- --- --- --- ----- -- --- --- -----, --- ----, --- -------, --- ---- --- --- ----- -----. ------ --- -------. ------ --- ------- --- ------- -- --- ------ ------ -- -------.
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BlogrollFirearm NewsQuotesEvery man, woman, and responsible child has an unalienable individual, civil, Constitutional, and human right to obtain, own, and carry, openly or concealed, any weapon -- rifle, shotgun, handgun, machinegun, anything -- any time, any place, without asking anyone's permission. -- L. Neil Smith Reread that pesky first clause of the Second Amendment. It doesn't say what any of us thought it said. What it says is that infringing the right of the people to keep and bear arms is treason. What else do you call an act that endangers "the security of a free state"? And if it's treason, then it's punishable by death. I suggest due process, speedy trials, and public hangings. -- L. Neil Smith Based on 253 journal articles, 99 books, 43 government publications, and some of its own empirical work, the panel couldn't identify a single gun control regulation that reduced violent crime, suicide or accidents. -- John Lott, commenting on the National Academy of Sciences report (PDF) on gun control laws Zero Aggression Principle ("Zap") "A libertarian is a person who believes that no one has the right, under any circumstances, to initiate force against another human being, or to advocate or delegate its initiation. Those who act consistently with this principle are libertarians, whether they realize it or not. Those who fail to act consistently with it are not libertarians, regardless of what they may claim." -- L. Neil Smith Formerly called the "Non-Aggression Principle", or "NAP" Why Did It Have to be... Guns? Make no mistake: all politicians -- even those ostensibly on the side of guns and gun ownership -- hate the issue and anyone, like me, who insists on bringing it up. They hate it because it's an X-ray machine. It's a Vulcan mind-meld. It's the ultimate test to which any politician -- or political philosophy -- can be put. If a politician isn't perfectly comfortable with the idea of his average constituent, any man, woman, or responsible child, walking into a hardware store and paying cash -- for any rifle, shotgun, handgun, machinegun, anything -- without producing ID or signing one scrap of paper, he isn't your friend no matter what he tells you. If he isn't genuinely enthusiastic about his average constituent stuffing that weapon into a purse or pocket or tucking it under a coat and walking home without asking anybody's permission, he's a four-flusher, no matter what he claims. What his attitude -- toward your ownership and use of weapons -- conveys is his real attitude about you. And if he doesn't trust you, then why in the name of John Moses Browning should you trust him? -- L. Neil Smith The state can only survive as long as a majority is programmed to believe that theft isn't wrong if it's called taxation or asset forfeiture or eminent domain, that assault and kidnapping isn't wrong if it's called arrest, that mass murder isn't wrong if it's called war. -- Bill St. Clair Monthly ArchivesTTLB |
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